Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The Olympian is in my bed
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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