I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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