I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
