Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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