That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
