I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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