he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
