Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
