I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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