it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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