I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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