I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
