Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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