Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
