hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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