shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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