remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
