DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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