worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
