1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
