I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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