Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
