I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
