I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
