I don't usually arrange sex via text message
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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