I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
