Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
