it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
