Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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