I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
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THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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