We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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