So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
