This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
we should paint friendship bongs
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
