also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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