So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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