My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
