How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
