I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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