What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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