She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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