kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
