dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
