I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
