My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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