Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
