Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
