I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
