so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
