Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
