i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
