Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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