when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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