i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
