We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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