ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
