I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize