Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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