Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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