I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
