dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
