This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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