so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So much rum. So many feels.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
