Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
