That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
