so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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